Chaos from order and hopefully back soon.

Life's been so crazy that I even forgot to post my reading list at the end of the month. I have been working on posts for a while, but they aren't done. I'll link them here when they are done.

• Saw The King's Speech (two weeks before the Oscars)
• I visited an interesting museum, the Daimler Contemporary, and had lunch with my group.
• Went to Vienna for the weekend and saw Cirque de Soleil with a friend.
• Found a massage place, finally, and my back is still feeling the pain.
• Had a bad experience with T2's swim instructor and had to switch classes.
• Discovered that my blog had been scraped and my posts were sitting on someone else's web site.
  

In the regular and scheduled craziness, I'm taking:

• yoga Tuesdays and Thursday,
  
• my German class has restarted Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday,
  
• my German writing course is still running Wednesdays,
  
• the kids have speech therapy on Monday,
  
• T1 has swimming on Wednesday while
  
• T2 has it Friday (due to the above mentioned instructor issue),
  
• they both have recorder instruction on Thursday and
  
• T1 has art/ceramics on Friday.

Ice skating Saturday ended two weeks ago, so last week they went bike riding on Saturday while waiting for rollerblading to start.

This week, I also had Elternabends on Wednesday and on Thursday, as well as the massage and lunch with a friend on Wednesday.

I am also trying to declutter at least 15 minutes a day, I run about 7 loads of laundry a week (with three on Wednesdays when I change the linens), and I am "looking forward" to the seasonal change-over of clothing that I anticipate in three weeks.

The calendar is receiving a work out and the German needs to start referring to it— he actually scheduled a babysitter for one of the Elternabends for me, but he told her the wrong day! Luckily, she lives two streets over so it wasn't terribly inconvenient for her, but it was awfully embarrassing!

Integrated

I went to my local Volkshochschule (VHS) yesterday to sign up for a grammar course and another language course next month (I've been taking a little break and very much enjoying it).

Part of the reason that I have been taking my break is that I have been waiting to hear the results of my B1/DTfZ. If I didn't pass, I would repeat the B1.2 and take the test again. I hadn't received my scores yet, so I decided to take a quick one day course in grammar while waiting. (ed. That is, one day a week.)

When I went in to discuss what course to take (all placement in the VHS for German requires a personal discussion, other courses can be registered for on line) the head told me that the scores should be in and they were.

I passed the reading and listening section with 98%, speaking with 91% and I just scraped by in the writing. That was a shock, because I thought that my speaking score would be much lower. With the writing, I had known that I had done badly: the test required a "half official letter" and I had used elements from an "official letter" by accident: huge no-no.

I haven't received the results back yet from the Orienteeringskurse exam, but I'll guess that will be 100%, so I can officially consider myself (and the German government also considers me) to be integrated. I used only 400 of the 600 hours offered to me at a subsidized cost (by the government- German language courses cost 1/2 of what other language courses such as French or Italian or Arabic cost) and none of the possible additional 300 hours. It's unfortunate that I can't use any of these hours to continue my studies, because I think I'll need to progress through at least C1.2 and do additional work in writing to actually be considered moderately literate and capable of getting a job if I look for one here in Germany, but I am also extremely grateful that Germany has provided such an easy and low cost path for me and all other incomers to become more integrated, especially in language skills. It amazes me that people pay 5-6 times the cost of going to the VHS to take lessons at private schools when the teachers at the VHS may be the same teachers they have as well, or far exceed their skills. My teachers have all been wonderful.

I think it's a pity that the US doesn't follow this model: I do believe that one should not be allowed, in ordinary circumstances, to be a permanent resident or a citizen without the requisite language skills. I also believe that once that decision is made, the country with such a belief should provide a path for immigrants to actually gain those skills. Here in Germany, it's not (in my case) much of a subsidy (although it is for the poor or jobless) — it's that the classes are readily available, that childcare is available for those who require it (I did not), that full-time and part-time, morning, afternoon and evening classes are available and that the path to mastery is clearly indicated and achievement is determined through testing, with the availability of additional help as needed.

Germany talks the talk and it walks the walk and I think that is just great.

The Holiday whirl: I'm getting dizzy— Orienteeringskurse

I had wanted to take my Orienteeringskurse last month, before taking the B1 exam (so I would have a chance to speak some German after my class ended), but the course was booked out so I wound up having to take it this month from the 8th through the 16th.
The timing made life a little chaotic, with all the other things happening this month and with T1 getting sick during the course. In addition, because the teacher had an issue with the class extending to the 17th, as it was scheduled, we needed to add time to each of our other classes to reach the required 45 hours. I found it amazing that a German class was actually scheduled to run (normally) on a Saturday. Of course, it wasn't the unimaginable Sunday!
So, my feelings after taking this course: I found it interesting and of course, since I already have my permanent residency, I took this voluntarily. There was another woman (from Finland) who took the course simply to learn more about the country in which she is living, but everyone else there was there due to a requirement by either the BaMF or the Jobs Agency. There were 16 people in my course and the over half were native Turks. In one case, although B1 proficiency is required for the course,the gentleman spent the time sitting in the back and when spoken to or speaking, had translation done by the women sitting next to him. One woman said that she didn't "want" to take the test (a 25 question test at the end of the course) and asked what would happen if she did not: the teacher said that would be between her and the BaMF but the individual asked that question repeatedly and also showed up late or left early every day.
I actually knew two of the women from my past language courses and I enjoyed the opportunity to communicate in German in a way that did not focus solely on learning language. I particularly enjoyed learning about the set up of the political system and the Constitution. Of course, the basics were familiar and comfortable to me as the German Verfassung is based upon the American Constitution. I think there are even some improvements, as the men who wrote it had some 160 years to actually work out the kinks before rewriting it. Learning about the Verfassung and understanding rights would clearly be more difficult for those from cultures without such constitutional (written or unwritten) rights. But the Bundesamt and Landesamt concepts, as well as the deeper understanding of the Parliamentary system, was very interesting and worthwhile.
Some other thoughts: As seems to be usual in German classes, we started with statements of prejudices (in this case what we Auslanders thought of Germans, while the teacher supplied the other side). I always think this is such a negative concept, although it's amusing to actually hear a German rationalize why 16 people from 10 different countries feel that Germans are cold, unfriendly to children and dedicated to rules rather than results. She asked how many of us have German friends (vanishingly few) and told us that she herself, although she has many foreign friends in other countries, has none here. She said that it was "too much trouble" to go from teaching German as a foreign language, or any of the four other languages she teaches, to need to
watch her language in private speech. This from a woman who, quite amazingly, manged to teach this course at exactly a B1 level throughout the 8 days— there was not a word or a sentence that I did not understand. If it's too much for her to "speak down" to foreigners, I certainly understand why so few native Germans have the bock.
The course was clearly aimed at teaching people from non-Western cultures what the Grundgesetz or basic (inalienable) rights are in Germany and to require them to look at some German history to understand Germany's place in the world and as such, I am glad that it exists. I think it was too short and too easy, though. All of the possible questions for the test are published (250), from which 25 are chosen for the actual exam. I read through the questions (and answers) the day before, with an eye to being certain that I understood all the German and when I took the exam (with an allotted 60 minute duration), I finished in 3 minutes. The majority of that time was spent understanding the crazy manner of crossing out or circling required to overwrite an error. To fail this exam would be to make a deliberate act of will and if I were German, I would not consider such a course nor passing such an exam sufficient education to allow a person to integrate within German society.

Holiday whirl: Deutsches Historisches Museum

It was a hectic day today as I had an Orienteeringskurs Ausflug (field trip) today, to the Deutsches Historisches Museum, while at the same time the German had a minor operation and then later in the evening we had tickets to a musical: that's what happens when one tries to get everything done in December and mandatory items pile up. After making the kids breakfast, I said good-bye (we had a babysitter booked for 11, giving the German 40 minutes to get to the doctor).
My class met up at the U-Bahn station at 9:30, walked over to the museum (we were 15 minutes too early) and then were able to leave our coats and bags in a group lock up, which was nice. We had a guided tour through a bit of the early history into the current period (I am again impressed at the wonderful quality of all museum guides that I have been in contact with in Germany- they are amazingly good at their jobs). The detail you see at the left (it's a tiny detail) shows what in English would be called a "scold's bridle", showing how inhumanely women in the west were once treated.
We were then were given workbooks and sent forth to do research on the N*DP (N*zis and the period from 1933-1948).
It's good to know that individuals who are seeking to either become permanent residents of Germany or to become citizens will be required to have at least a cursory understanding of the role of Germany in WWII: this course is generally a stop on the way to both (although I have my permanent residency already and am simply taking the course to expand my knowledge of Germany). I don't think it's enough (the government is discussing increasing the course to 60 hours), but I still have more than 30 hours left of the 45 hour curriculum, so I will be interested to see what the remaining portion teaches us.
The museum is beautifully laid out and I expect that we will return to it as a family to take a tour of the medieval portion (they have one for children concentrating on knights and castles). The section on the Holocaust is well-done and tastefully done, although, really, I don't enjoy this and if I had known what the concentration would be I probably would have excused myself— I don't feel that I need further education on the subject.
The most interesting interaction of the experience was when we stopped in front of a painting from the late 30's. It showed a triumphal Arc in Munich (based on the Arc d'Triumph, apparently). On the left were N*zi youth collecting money from passers by. In the center, walking in the direction of the Arch was a tall, erect man, on crutches and missing his right leg from the knee down. He is striding and wearing a military overcoat. His head is proudly held high. On the right, by the arch, is a woman in widow's weeds, pushing a white pram.
The guide asked the group whether we felt that this painting was in favor of the war or against it. I immediately replied, in favor. Every other person replied, against. The guide asked me whether I wanted to change my reply and I said no: I thought it was clear that every person in that picture was proud of themselves and their country.
When he asked the other students, they said how sad the picture was. I pointed out that they probably would not have felt the picture was sad if N*zi Germany had won the war.
Then the guide explained that I was correct- that the picture had been used as propaganda in the "Total War" drive and the direction ran, from left to right, of how one should give to the Fatherland: least is money, next would be limbs and the final and highest sacrifice, one's life (or one's husband's, since this was aimed at the domestic market).
I find it a little bit frightening that a group of 15 people could read something so obviously incorrectly.

Out of chaos, order.

When I am stressed, I love to roll coins. Yes, I know something could be read into that: the ability completely and discretely finish a task and result in a final and visible product is soothing. It's actually something I remember doing with my mother when I was small. She had a bank that one pulled a lever on and made "ching" and was only open-able at some vast sum. So it was a great treat to be able to open it up and to roll the coins and then perhaps go to visit the bank and deposit the rolls. To stand in line and hear my mother chat with the cashiers and perhaps bump into neighbors. That time still exists in parts of upstate NY and I revisited it this month.

One of the maddening things about Germany (to me) has been my inability to roll coins and then to get rid of them. My local bank branch offers me a large plastic pouch and tells me that I would need to drop the bag off at a different location. This has been annoying me and filling up honey jars with coins because I just can't get rid of the smaller ones, even carrying around a very heavy change purse. So I brought a bunch of change rolls back from the US and the coins above in the lower row are 5¢, 2¢ and 1¢.

The upper row is American change, garnered from different corners and bags: that's amusing because I actually rolled over $60 of coins while in the US, while downsizing some storage boxes. I visited my local bank branch, the one where I have had a checking account since starting to bank my birthday and babysitting money, multiple times to both deposit coin rolls and deal with the fact that my not-used-in-Europe ATM card had been purged from the system.

I'll put the rolls aside and the US money will go back with me the next time and the Euro cents will accumulate until I have time next week to take them into a branch that will actually take change. Next week is my last before my German course starts again, so maybe I'll actually even find a bike-able branch.

Vacation: Not

It's been a crazy month or so.

We started by going back to Westchester county to clean up our house in Westchester, NY for the new tenants. The prior, German tenants, were returning to Stuttgart. Neither our broker nor the tenants, nor any of the prospective tenants, had indicated any issues with the house.

So we were overwhelmed to discover unattended and unreported flood damage, general non-normal wear and tear damage to the plaster walls, a bathroom renovated two weeks before turne dover to the new tenants that was now destroyed (water damage, mold, marble damage), flood and mold damage in the basement (where the dehumidifying system was also set at 35% instead of 70%— or even higher to deal with the unreported mold), furniture which was destroyed and filty beyond belief: it was shocking. From the large to the small: the buckled floor in the basement to the lost remote to allow the ceiling fan/light in the living room to be turned on to losing the privacy pins to the nickel door levers to not replacing a single outside light bulb (we had left them three years worth of compact fluorescents- just not enough of the low wattage for outside fixtures). The list was endless.

All this while they had turned off the cable and phone (which we had requested to retain for the half month) so we had no easy way to contact anyone. We still haven't spoken to the insurance company officially, although we have talked to our agent and taken hundreds of photos before beginning to mitigate the damage.

There's a 4-6 week lead time on the replacement vanity (special order to be code compliant in a small bathroom) and the marble repair will wait for that. The shower doors will be in stock next week and taken care of then, but our "vacation" was having done/getting estimates for/doing:

• marble repair, floor and vanity top
• ordering a new vanity
• ordering bathroom doors
• plastering and repainting gouges in the hall and three rooms
• completely repainting another after patching holes
• emptying the house of the furniture (previously rented furnished) while discarding the destroyed furniture- we loaded it into a U-Haul and drove it upstate to storage by my parents
  
• ordering a new remote from Minnesota (easily done- the manual was there!)
• replacing all the lost/removed (why?) hinge pins so that the doors would not re-gouge the walls after replatering and re-painting
  
• fixing all outside locks (a screwdriver and a brain)
• having the basement swabbed down with bleach, the mildew mitigated and painted with special paint.
• discarding destroyed rugs (downstairs due to mold, upstairs due to the tenants' fire, which they had otherwise mitigated)
• having emergency landscaping done: we expected to do some things, but having a sumac 14 feet tall next to a bedroom window indicates that in three years they never lifted a finger. They also destroyed grass areas where they had pools or tarps. Luckily, they had no control over the irrigation system or there would have been no grass left.
• there was more, but I get a head ache thinking about it
  

This was after they spoke to the husband, as one German to another, and asked to use their security as last month. Because they assured him of how everything was in order, and because the broker agreed, he complied. I expect that will be a little less than we will be out of pocket. I expect he won't do that again, either. I also think that after the current lease is up, we will be considering selling the house rather than dealing with this again.

After we get back to Berlin next week I can't wait to start dealing with all of this long distance and time estranged to US contractors and insurance companies.

I expect that I will have a lot of additions to my Downsizing blog as well, when I can sort the photos out.

(Here's my favorite shot— the full potty left in the rotted out vanity.)

Life with a weekend spouse, casual injury and tipping in Germany.

It's been 5 weeks since the German started commuting to München. The commute is supposed to run fro early Monday (leaving before 5 am) until lateish on Thursday (sometimes after 22:00) but a few times it has run into Friday.

Last night was one of those and when he got in, very late, we thought twice about joining some other expat bloggers for a mini-meet-up in Hannover (about a 2.5 hour ride from here). When I heard early in the day that he would be late, I had already called and cancelled the hotel room, as 18:00 was the deadline and I knew he wouldn't be back until much later. We decided to sleep on it, set an alarm, and decide whether it made sense to leave at 7 am.

We did in fact get up at 6:30 (Thing1 gave us no choice), but the German begged to be allowed to sleep and I did accede to his request (and you can bet that I will be sleeping in tomorrow, at least as much as possible). We gave our friend Alice in NRW a call to break the news, only to find out that she and her son had strep and that they had cancelled as well. When I called Christina to apologize at 10, when we were to meet, I discovered that two other couples had cancelled and I felt just awful about it.

But the commuter marriage is really dragging me down. It's all the little things. I am tremendously grateful that the girls are in kita, so I can run errands, get some groceries, go to the doctor, go the the car shop, deal with some stuff. But on the other hand, I always need to get up early and I always need to get them in to bed alone (hard with Thing2, who still naps and thinks that since it's still light at 22:00, she can wander out of bed and say she needs the toilet. Sometimes 4 times within the hour).

And the girls miss him, especially Thing2, who sometimes has meltdowns about his morning absences. I have no help tidying up after them, or amusing them, or with any of the things that he is alwys so very helpful with. I am much more tired than I would have thought and sometimes need to remember that I was extremely ill not so long ago. This week's 5th day just kicked my tush.

So instead of meeting fellow American's, Canadian and USian for the 4th, we went to a biergarten in Dahlem to have a Turkey salad, baby potatoes, pommes and an ice (with the girls playing between eating).

Interesting note: here was the second time in 8 days that a waiter in Berlin has cheated us.
The first time was last week. Alice (who was in Berlin with husband and kids for 2 days) had lunch with me at a place around the corner that we frequently go to, often with the kids, so we know it is family friendly and have enjoyed it. The baby had a fuss and we decided to eat at her apartment so the children could go down. They went ahead and I remained to pay the bill, which I did, with a nice tip. I was in a hurry because as folks know, getting something wrapped to go here in Germany is not a fast activity.

As I walked to Alice's place, I started thinking about the amount of the bill and not being happy. I had taken the receipt and when I started reading it (while crossing streets and walking) I became quite angry when I realized that we had been billed incorrectly in three items, resulting in an overcharge of 4€ (more than 12%). I tipped more than 4€ and it was quite clear to me that the waitress had billed herself a good tip, expecting me not to tip. 4€ was not enough to make me go back and yell at the waitress, but it was enough to make me angry and resentful. I will remember that waitress and now I understand the expression on her face at my answer to her question as to where I was from, when I answered: A few blocks away, I eat here regularly.

Today, at the Biergarten in Dahlem, the German paid the bill while I was rounding the kids up and getting their socks and shoes on. When he got back, I asked him what the bill had been and when he told me the answer I said that the bill was incorrect and asked to see it. Another waiter had attempted to give us a Bolognese, so I assumed they had added that to the bill incorrectly.
I asked to see our copy of the bill and when the German told me that the waiter had simply told him the amount, I knew that the overbilling had been deliberate: our order was taken on a handheld device that itself prints out the rechnung. When the German discussed the bill with the waiter, a "mistake" of 3.5€ was "discovered. Since, once again, he had tipped 4€, it was again clear that the waiter had chosen to "tip" himself about 15%. The German was aghast. Since he did all the ordering and this was in a neighborhood local, I can't even blame this on the desire to rip off tourists: it's just a clear trend.
I think that we are going to become more German in our ways. I will know read my bill very closely, no matter how crowded or tired I am, and my new plateau will be the German no-tip, with only extraordinary friendliness and/or helpfulness making me tip above the round-up. I'm just tired of the crap. This never happened to me in the US, although I know it does. And two times in one week!

Moving onward to the injury:

We then went to T1's lieblingsplace: the marienkafer spielplatz otherwise known as Ikea(because the Smaland inside uses the ladybug as their logo). In the parkinglot T2 ran under my feet and I went down hard: so hard, that passersby stopped to ask if they could call for help (perhaps it was my scream, followed by whimpering and ankle clutching?). I didn't really notice as I was busy pressing very hard against the ligaments on both sides of my right ankle- the one without the very painful heel spur- and praying that it wasn't broken. It wasn't, but omigosh it is sprained. After I was through whimpering we limped our way in and signed the girls in for their hour of joy and we went upstairs to split a soda and chat.

Afterward, off to our evening's entertainment of shopping at the suburban (yet still in the huge city that Berlin is) mecca of Kaufland. One hour+ later, with a shopping cart piled above and below, the cost was about that of my little wheelie bin from Lidl in the center of the city. It's a beautiful thing to have a car when shopping and now I am stocked up on boxed tomatoes, pasta and such like. We didn't go to Selgros because I also wanted to stock up on milk and H-milk and they don't have Bio full milk or H-milk.

Then home and so tired that after we put the children to bed I forgot to set the DVR to record the celebrations in NYC. :(. This year was especially exciting because it's the 400th anniversary of Henry Hudson's exploration of the river, so I am disappointed.

But then to bed, with a compress on my foot and a few tablets of ibuprophen.

German lessons again

I am so tired.

I am back in a German course and it has been exhausting and tempestuous. Perhaps that's always going to be true when so many of my classmates are in their 20's?

It started with my sitting in 1 class, then being moved up to a second class. After being there for a few days the teacher (whom I adore), suggested that several of us move up to a new class that was being formed for that purpose. I wasn't certain that I wanted to do that as 1. I very much liked the teacher (she was the teacher for my previous two courses) and 2. it seemed that people that were being asked to remain behind were more advanced than I.

I thought about it over the weekend, sent off an e-mail to discuss it more thoroughly, and then decided to go ahead with the move mainly to avoid being in the same class as another woman who had impressed me, in just 1 class, just that much.

Unfortunately, after a lovely first hour in my new class, Subject A showed up. This was also a characteristic she had displayed in the other class: showing up 30-55 minultes late.

I don't have a significant problem with lateness. This is not a group project so if someone else cuts their own nose off it doesn't affect me. But this person would come in and angrily complain that she didn't know something we were doing, that she had not been taught this. In cases where we had just spent up to an hour going over what she didn't know, that grew old rapidly. That behavior was followed with extremely loud states as to the stupidity of the German language.

Really, the rest of us don't love the German language. But the language is what it is, one just has to learn it. I don't think it will change to suit us.

Last week, every single class member stayed after class to complain about this student and to request that the teacher either rein her in or ask her to leave.

On Monday, she was on time and restrained her (extremely aggressive) loudness when she was confused (I was willing to understand and ignore a hearing disability, but the volume only increased when she was angry, which was whenever she was confused). She left 20 minutes early, but hey, that was fine with me.

Maybe we will all be able to get along (I assume that our teacher, who can have a fist of iron as she desires, spoke to her).

Ausflug

I'm off to the last day of this session of German class: we are having a field trip to the Stasi museum. I'll be sure to let everyone know what it's like;)

added: It was an interesting trip. The museum itself was put together not by the State (which was ashamed) but by a people's group that wanted to preserve the apparatus of the Stasi and eastern Communist regime before it was dismantled and hidden by the apparatchiks.The building itself was a bit grey and 1950's office style because the head of the Stasi was born in the first decade of the 1900's and distrusted modernity. I had an apfelschorle in the canteen and watched the Discovery channel documentary on the Stasi that was playing on loop there (narrated by Roger Moore:)) and that, rather than the museum, really brought home what life was like in that period. They had a listening device that could be attached to your pipes 7 floors down and follow your life upstairs. they really did have cameras in false rocks in woods, and if you count unpaid informers, the Stasi had 500-700,000 informers watching and reporting on 16,000,000 people. That's a number unequalled anywhere else. I need to see The Lives of Others. Also, I'm told that the Stasi prison is more meaningful and I will try to make it there.

What I haven't been blogging about...

(With all due credit to Diane, from whom I stole the idea)

• I started another German class two weeks ago. I had thought that I would take some time off, but no, I signed up for another. I really like my teacher, K, and the location (walking distance) really can't be beat, but I'm already a little fatigued by it: the weather has been gorgeous and it's just depressing that I am inside most of the day. I have 90 minutes after class before the girls come home and that seems to give me just enough time to make a run to the supermarket. I am definitely going to be taking days off here and there. I had also hoped that my friend Y would take this next class and that we would get a chance to see each other, but I think she is taking the summer off as a vacation.


• We are spending far too much time apartment hunting. Ah, Germany, the land where real estate brokers still make a monopolistic, non-transparent market commission, where they don't work most weekends, and where they don't bother to return calls. Reminds me a bit of Manhattan in 2000, before the dot-com crash. And yet prices are quite low here.


• Berlin is also the land of the insane property owner, who thinks that one can rent apartments without kitchens or appliances, or apartments with an estimated 3 months of renovations (with costs to be borne by tenant) or where a landlord offered to have us pay for his kitchen, while he would retain ownership!


• We didn't go to Amsterdam (or the originally planned Venice) this weekend. The German's work interfered: a crisis/deliverable timeline change cancelled our plans. So instead, we will be going to see the wild horse round up in the Duelmen area, which is held the last Saturday in May outside Muenster. This is only about a 90 minute drive from my in-laws, but the German has never seen it. It's quite famous and I think that a lot of the extended family will join us, so it should be great fun. In a funny bit of serendipity, I read about this last week in class (the theme for the week was little known but interesting attractions in Germany and the area) and I was so excited that I went home to google it and to ensure that we could actually still make it, then we rebooked a visit from my sister-in-law and her friend so that we could go. This link is to a Flickr slideshow from the round up.


• We went to a concert on May 10th, on the third anniversary of the opening of the memorial at the Holocaust Denkmal. (This is a stock photo, I haven't downloaded mine yet). It was fascinating and I may try to add more. It was performance art in music and it was indeed very moving. There was also a poetry reading, which of course I could only understand the smallest amount of, of work by a Holocaust victim. The concert itself was held by musicians scattered throughout the memorial, which is composed of stones varying in size and orientation laid out in a pattern. The "stelae" made the sound waver in and out, be audible and inaudible, loud and soft, as we moved between them while the musicians were playing from their stations in the memorial. It was haunting and evocative.

It's London calling...

Or rather, I am blogging from London, where the German and I are staying at Heathrow for Orbital2008 , which is a British science fiction convention. One of my favorite authors is a guest of honor, Tanith Lee, and I'll probably put up a few photos when I get home.

I developed Thing2's illness last week, so I've been roiling in my intestinal misery, but it seems that today I am finally starting to improve. Probably the large amount of sleep I got yesterday finally helped me to feel better. Of course, I missed my last week of German class and the party, but I am starting to expect that. At least this time I didn't bring refreshments to the party and not get to go, the way I did last time.The illness started slowly, but yesterday morning I was just wondering how Thing2 had been managing, so I'm glad that the German finally pointed out that Imodium exists for these exigencies. I can't believe I hadn't thought to take medication!

We drove to my in-laws on Thursday after work. I had hoped to get to a Purim party before going, but I just wasn't feeling well enough, and that was just as well because we arrived just around midnight and since our flight was at 7:30 that didn't leave us much time to unload the girls, the cat and the car and get some sleep.

Up at 5 am on Friday, kissed the girls and the cat good-bye and off to London.

My class Trip to Dresden

We were scheduled to leave at 7:31 from the Berlin Hauptbahnhof. Because of the U-Bahn strike I was concerned that it might take me a while to get there, so I left home quite early and was bummed to discover that the S-Bahn to the Hbf is quite sppedy: I was there 30 minutes early. That gave me time enough to become concerned when I didn't see anyone else and when the destination notation at the platform we were meeting at was not Dresden. So I called the information line but the gentleman at the other end, when I asked him to speak "Langsam, bitte" send me to the main information booth at the other end of the station, rather than simply telling me, more slowly, that the reason the destination was not Dresden was that we would be switching trains part way. Sigh. Some Germans just can't deal with speaking to non-native speakers slowly and clearly. Luckily, when I ran up the stairs I bumped into a classmate and he was able to get the information gentleman to give him that information.


This is the August the Strong bridge: it's very pretty. I also want to point out the sunshine. the entire day was beautifully sunny: it was almost like being in an entirely different country. I took off my jacket and unzipped my sweater and sat in the sun eating soft ice-cream (as did all the Germans I could see).


I think that this is a cherry tree- all over Dresden trees were blooming, flowers were blooming, and people were basking in the sun. One of my classmates said that there was a Mediterannean feel but I think that she was just drunk on sunshine.




A view of the Schloss across the Elbe. That's the boat next to which we sat and ate our cones.






Statue of August the Strong on a horse on the boulevard leading to the Aldtstadt.






The Frauenkirche. And it really is. All baby blue and baby pink with trompe l'oeuil everything. So pretty and non-threatening. Not a tortured body in sight. Interestingly, this is a Protestant church but my teacher (German Protestant by birth, professed atheist) thought it seemed more Catholic, because of the general ornateness and opulence. I said that to me the absence of the crucifixion was proof of the Protestentness of the building and that the opulence was simply due to the building having been built for the wife of an Emporer (although of course this is completely a recreation, as almost all of Dresden was completely destroyed in February 1945).

Some of my class mates went to the museums in the Schloss (which looked lovely) but Y and N and Y and I instead decided to find a table in the sun and grab a bite to eat: it just didn't seem like there was enough time to make it worthwhile to go to the museums.

We kept on looking but couldn't find an open table so we wound up approaching some older Dresdeners and asking if we could share their table, which they very kindly agreed to.

I had been wanting Linsentopf (I love lentils)and two classmates chose the same. When it arrived, it had meat in it and Y asked if it was Schwein, because she doesn't eat trayfe. I hadn't thought so, because I generally read all descriptions in Germany in re food to be sure that pig is not in the product, but one can never be certain here. So she asked the kellnerin, who, in a very unbehilflich way said yes and then left. Y agonized for a bit and other Y and I were concerned and then Y called over the kellnerin and asked to exchange the soup for another because she could not eat Schweinfleisch. I was amazed at how passive aggressive the waitress was, but she finally agreed and we all ate when the new soup came. Of course, by that time I had reacquired the menu and noted that the Linseltopf did not include swine: it was beef.

Well, that broke the ice and the Dresdeners asked where we came from and we had a lovely chat for the next half hour or so, culminating with the gentleman buying us all a round of a local Dresden white wine. It was so nice, he and his wife and their friend displayed such Gastfreundschaft, that it more than made up for the information man and the waitress and made me realize again how nice some people are here and how appreciative so many Germans are to those of us who try to speak German! We wound up being a few minutes late to meet the others, having to run, and then we had to dash for the Dresden Hbf.

So, I was up at 5:45 and I got home again at 21:00. A long day. I will definitely do it again, but next time I think that we will go and stay for the weekend.

The German and the Things also had a great day, they spent most of it at the Zoo.

I have a temper...

and I know how to use it.

Yesterday there was a great confluence of events that lifted me over the edge of my self control. I know it may be hard for some to believe, but I used to be rather volatile.

Yesterday, when I went to my German class, the theme was cliches and Meinung. This was perhaps a bad idea. I had arrived late and I had noticed a strange atmosphere in the class, which had not been there last semester and had started in a minor way in the last few weeks, but which had apparently blown up while I was gone. Some weeks into this semester we had had several new folks join. One in particular, let's say A, has a habit of taking the class off tangent and not using what we are learning. When I am partnered with A in exercises I have flatly said that I am interested in doing the exercises and will not add to them or attempt other grammatical structures: I learn through repetition and I am quite happy with my teacher and her pedagogical method. But I told A to A's face.

Another person in my class, B, has taken to eye-rolling, slumping, sighing and acting like a put-upon infant in response to some of A's behaviors. While I was gone, this apparently turned into such a habit that when A is absent, B turns this behavior on others, passing notes to C, whispering in their common third language, and generally showing tremendous disrespect.

During the break, my friend shared with me that person B had written a note about something my friend had said, which my friend had seen, and had passed it along to C. The note was dismissive and rude. I was very angry. What had started as an amusing development of cliqueish behavior had now, in my opinion, turned to bullying.

So after the break, when the assignment was to discuss what each of our nationalities had as cliches in rethe other's nationalities, it was a dangerous topic. It allowed individuals to air what in some cases were ignorant and hurtful beliefs and in others actually devolved into misogynist and racist cliches. Rather than discussing cliched behaviors (loudness, drunkenness) they discussed physical characteristics. I wonder whether it is because I am American that I find discussing things that are not actually behavioral (color, hair, eyes, weight, height) to be offensive. I come from a melting pot and I am proud of it. But I let that go.

Then, to be non-specific, a friend aired a term which she thought was a cliche about Americans (as the teacher had requested) but which was rather both misogynistic and anti-Semitic. I was certain that she did not understand the connotations (being herself both Jewish and a woman) and I rather clearly explained why that term 1. was not pertinent in a discussion of cliches about tourists from different countries and 2. was offensive and should not be used. My friend understood this, but B, an American whose family emigrated to a third country and is thus cognizant of the term in all its aspects, smirked. I'm not certain whether she was smirking at my passion (and I assure you, I am passionate about responding to slurs against my religion, my gender and my nationality) or whether she was smirking at my friend, but I turned to her and unleashed my +5 Tongue of Vitriol, stating that I was old enough and had worked long enough to have been discriminated against as both a woman and as a Jew, and that perhaps she hadn't, which would explain why she found my explanation and passion amusing. She said nothing, and C, who has done human rights work, agreed, perhaps undercutting whatever response she might have made if she had the gumption to actually speak face to face rather than traduce behind backs. I needed to leave at that point to pick up the kids and apparently after I left, B turned to C and in her language said that she was offended by what I said.

Whew. So I was still frothing and simmering after I got home. My friend stopped by to drop off a paper that I had missed and told me that she no longer wanted to go on our class trip to Dresden because she didn't want to be on a train trip with B and C and my anger notched up another level. I said that I would speak to our teacher about this that evening.

Then I called my Dad to say hello, and I can't even go into how that led to an argument with my mother and how she then used her +10 Tongue of Vitriol against my dad. I got her acid and quickness to take offense and my Dad's volcanic temper. My gosh, the German is a brave man. Luckily my general happiness usually keeps the lid on and I do try! While she was hanging up on me (her general reponse when her bad behavior is pointed out) I heard a muffled noise from the other room and found Thing1 strangling 2 with a plastic cord that my landlord's workmen had left after putting up blinds. Not that she was doing it on purpose, of course. Rather that she was using it as reins on her sister the horse and unfortunately had twisted it so tight that the screams of 2 were being muffled. After I yelled and 1 still did not drop the reins I actually picked her up and tossed her on her bed, then comforted 2. Then 1 was in hysterics because I had yelled at her and thrown her in her room. Then we were all crying.

Then I called the German to vent and he couldn't talk. And that was after he couldn't talk after class either, or in the morning. So then I yelled at him and hung up.

Then I put the Disney channel on and read blogs while both kids sat on me.

Then I made dinner and did another load of laundry.

Then I fed the kids, the German came home with flowers and we ate, and this morning I spoke to my teacher about the atmosphere and my discomfort, she said she felt it as well and would speak to B and C and she apparently did. At least C made a real effort today to be friendly and my friend says that B and C have changed their demeanor to her. But I usually sit by B and C and I sat by A today and I am not sure whether the feeling I had toward class, that it was a refuge from the kids, has not been ruined.

I am sour right now. And I needed to vent, as Thing 2 still won't sleep at night and is padding around the apartment at 11 pm. I need my nights child-free!

A Blogging Addiction?

So Diane over in Martinis for Two is asking whether she is addicted and whether that addiction requires, perhaps, an intervention. An interesting comment, as my Reader is at 97 blogs and counting.

So, right now I am blogging (and reading blogs) while there is a load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer (there is one waiting to be folded). I am finishing my 2nd cup of coffee, the kids are at school, the dishwasher is cooling preparatory to being unloaded. I am watching Moonlight on the other laptop.In fact, hold on, this is a good scene... ah, I'm back.

Well, I'm new to blogging (and can anyone tell me how to make links through that connection at the bottom? And how do track backs work?) but I have been part of an apa for over 25 years (since I was in high school, for those counting) and the others in that apa have been some of my closest friends and confidantes throughout my life. The difference is really immediacy (in both directions), expense (blogging is far cheaper if one already has the connection), and the ability to incorporate cool widgets and photos.

So, perhaps this blogging and its equivalents are a type of addiction, but the I have been addicted to reading for almost 40 years (back of the toothpaste tube, anyone?) and I have come to terms. On the other hand, blogging is beating out my German HW right now, so perhaps I should check the self-destructive tendency, pull out my notebook, and get going on that... bis Spaeter!

What should I call this post?

So yesterday was an interesting one. I met a woman from my German class at Alexaplatz and we went to Prenzlauer Berg to 1. grab a coffee and 2. for me to visit the St. George's Bookshop . Y is also in Berlin with her husband, a German, being detailed to a project here for a 3 year contract. (Parenthetically, it's been great that another adult joined my class, because sometimes being surrounded by kids 20 years younger can get a little old, although they are all very nice.)

We found a cute little place, sat down and put our feet up on bags of coffee beans and started to chat. Both of our dad's had similar life experiences and I was enjoying learning about her life, when an older (perhaps late 50's?) German man asked her if we were American. She said that she was Israeli and I American and the gentleman than asked me who would win: Obama or Clinton. In my poor German I pointed out that McCain was also running, but I told him who I had voted for in the primary and then I added that of the three current candidates, McCain, Clinton and Obama, I felt confident that any would be a reasonable President.

At that point, the gentleman agreed, and added that Bush was like Hitler. My response was, no , Bush might be stupid, but he is not a mass murderer. We then cheerfully wished each other a good day and waved a happy Tschuss to each other as he left.

After he left, Y and I discussed the conversation. She felt that he should have responded more sensitively, particularly after she had mentioned that she was Israeli. I felt that it really went to the point that many Germans realy have not come to terms with their complicity in the Shoah. That anyone could , in all seriousness, equate Bush with Hitler is just ridiculous and devaluing to the murder of millions as well as perhaps making the person who uses the comparison feel better about his collective guilt. The man drinking coffee behind us, German, perhaps in his 30's, chuckled. I turned to him and asked if he thought what I was saying was funny (perhaps I was feeling a bit confrontational) (and also perhaps I was being a bit snarky and sarcastic) and he said No, he absolutely agreed with me. So perhaps there is an age shift.

It reminds me of my mother's neighbor at home, who is an older German, old enough to have been alive and knowledeable and perhaps complicit in WWII, and how he once said to my parents that what Americans did to Germans in POW camps was comparable to what the Nazis did to Jews in the death and labor camps. And he said that, knowing that my father is a death camp survivor. An interesting pathology.

On that note, I was reading in Brit in Germany about the current DeutscheBahn exhibition on its role in the mass murder of millions: a necessary part that created the ability to carry out "The Final Solution" and a very profitable one to the Bahn (they charged per head). The exhibition produced a bit of a stir and I saw a newsbite on BBC so I had gone over to Potsdamer Platz to see it. Once there, I needed to ask direction, because the actual exhibit is both very small and well screened off with the screens on which the copies of documents are placed.

Of course, I am not German fluent, so I could only scan it. But I found the "banality of evil" moving while also considering that once again I think Germans are very kind to themselves in not inflicting the actual scenes of horror upon themselves.

And after this, when I went to St. George's, I picked up 4 books on the Shoah. Was it related to this? Perhaps not. But perhaps I find myself emphasizing more the "need to know" when I see the world around me pretending not to.

A room of my own...

Today was the first day that I skived off class since I started. Fridays are half day for the girls and today was a reschedule of a class that my teacher had needed. I just couldn't bear to drop the girls off, go to class, and pick them up without even a minute to myself.

So I stayed home, watched Supernatural and Smallville, wrote my apa, read blogs and realized that although I love Berlin, although the apartment is great, although the German is tremendously helpful, sometimes I just want to be alone, in the daylight, drinking coffee. It was a great morning.

Ahh... the Weekend is here

Not to say that the week per se is difficult, compared to when I was working, taking care of a house (and one which needed lots of help:-)) and the family, but here--- ahh. Feet up, the Things are in bed (and neither in our room!), the cat is on the bed, the German and I are tapping away at our separate laptops and on the third (yes, I know, there's a work laptop involved) we are watching Lost. This is the two hour sort-of reprise and then there appear to be two more 1 hour episodes from Thursday to watch either later or tomorrow. I also have Victor/Victoria and Black Dahlias dvred for when we have time.

My usual week runs, children up, fed, dressed and taken to the bus pick-up by 8:30. Then grab a cup of coffee and go shopping for food (generally every other day) as the fridge and freezer are small and I need to shop with a trolley. I usually run a load or two of laundry every day (also small washer and although efficient, 2 hours per load) and then a dryer load (it's vented inside, so I need to empty out the water a few times per load, which it took a while for me to figure out!).

Then German class from M-R, ending at 2:15-30 and then pick the Things up at 2:45. Friday is no class, but also a half school day, so we generally go for a walk at the Zoo after Thing2 takes a nap.

Then we return to the apartment, the Things play/and or watch cartoons while I make dinner. In true German style, I am now baking every other day and in between chocolate chip cookies I have been making this cobbler from The Pioneer Woman Cooks.

The reason I need to do so much baking and cooking is that it is nigh on impossible to find either prepared foods or baking mixes that don't have an inordinate amount of both fat and dairy. I made a Mohn streusel from a mix and it needed 300g of fat and 200cc of milk, but when I made it from scratch, neither were needed.

Current plans for the weekend are: Aquarium visit for the kids, starting to put together the 2007 taxes, maybe figuring out how to run the connection between the laptop and the TV, and getting to the gym.

Now I have the last in writing, I hope that will be my motivation to get started before Monday!

My second Deutsche Kurs...

I've just finished the first week of my second 10 week German course and I am glad to be back at it. A month without class has lft me forgetting what dative and accusative are all about. Strangely enough I moved up to level A2 ( I was a bit concerned) and 5 of my classmates from A1 have come with me. We have two new folks and 1 woman decided to repeat A1 after sitting in for a few classes. I really appreciate the relatively small class size and think that it's very helpful to be able to work in such a small group.

Getting settled

The children are in school. That took quite a bit of work.

First, the German had to register our marriage in the Sauerland where he was registered. Then, when we returned to Berlin, he registered both of us and the children here. I did some research on line and found some kindergarten/kitas within walking distance, called them, and set up appointments. The first one we went to, one that was supposed to be based on a nurturing method, left me in tears. The head told us that they were not really interested in children that would be “transient”, eg staying for less than three years, and that also the documents that the children require would take weeks and weeks to get, so why would we even bother to put them in school when they would be leaving Berlin in the spring? I pointed out that Thing1 was very sad, had walked up to a little boy in the school and asked him to be friends, and that Thing1was regressing due to interactions being mainly with Thing2. The head didn’t exactly shrug, but didn’t seem to give a darn.

She did give the German the number of the state agency that would provide the required documents, but reiterated that it would take weeks to get the forms, perhaps even months. When we walked out the door, I really was in tears at the thought that the children would not be able to play with other children for the foreseeable future. The German told me that everything would be alright, that in a country where children have a legal right to schooling that it would be impossible for it to take so long to get required documentation. In the event, he called the agency the next morning and when he went there, the woman in charge was wonderful. She assured him that it would take only a day or two for the document for Thing1 to reach us, and that she would be able to issue one for Thing 2 if he could provide documentation that I was taking a course.

So the German registered Thing1 for the 5-7 hours of kindergarten that she is legally entitled to. However, Thing2 could not be registered until I provided documentation that I either had a job or was taking an integration course.

When wandering about our new neighborhood, we had discovered the Jewish Community Center (Judisches Gemeinde Haus). When we stopped in to ask about the community, we were told that they have a Volkshochschule, which is a type of community school all across Germany, where I could take a Deutschkurs for Anfangers (German for Newcomers). So I signed up for the semester, the German took the information to the state and we received the documentation for both the girls within three days.

(Germany has an amazingly good post system. It generally takes only one day for mail to reach us from just about anywhere in Germany. If we haven’t received something in three days, we know that there is a problem and know to call to see what is wrong.)

We got the names of some Jewish kindergartens from the JCC and called a few to see which would have openings and how far some might be. The real problem was Thing2, because the spots for her age are generally filled (there is a legal requirement of fewer young children per teacher at her age). We went to one lovely school in Grunewald, but not only would it be quite difficult for me to reach by public transportation, but also they would have had a problem with Thing2- she would not have been able to start until January, when they would be adding a teacher. The head was very nice and after showing us around, she sat the girls down to play with toys, took us back to her office, and started making calls for us. After two tries, she was able to make an appointment for us with the head of X school. So we called a cab and went there. We drove back and forth but this time, after stopping and asking for help and calling for clarification, we finally found it. This was funny, because we had attempted to reach X school almost on our arrival in west Berlin. But when we had called to get directions there we had not been able to find the school: it’s not easy to find.

In the meantime, I had gotten information from the JGH about Jewish kindergartens and kitas and had spoken to an International School (second choice, being both quite expensive and thwarting our aim of having the girls exposed to German as soon as possible). ) So when we got to the X school, finally, we were very impressed. The Rabbi knew our previous school, was warm and friendly (from the US;-) ), the classes seemed good and at least one of each teacher pair spoke some English, and the curriculum seemed great and familiar (although with both German and Hebrew). This is just what Thing1 has been needing.

The Things started school October 8th, the first day after Succoth, when my class also started. I spent the first two days with them at school, making certain that they would be ok, and on the third day the bus service that the school has started and I was able to go to class. We are all enjoying our classes now, although you would never know it from Thing1: she doesn’t tell me anything that goes on! Thing1 has been to the Zoo and the Opera House and to the library, but I only know that from the teacher: she is not yet good at communicating this information.

We have suffered through waves of illness. First, I was sick. A bronchial illness that hung on until I went to der Artz in the Sauerland (the weekend our container finally came in) and wound up getting antibiotics. Then, the week after Thing2 started school, she was quite sick. She had a temperature of 104+ and I had to find a doctor within our area and run her over. Dr R assured me that it was a virus and I should continue to concentrate on keeping her temperature down, which I needed to do by medicating her every six hours around the clock with Motrin. Her high fever continued from Sunday through Friday, when the doctor had told me to return if she were still running a fever. The doctor looked again, said it was still just a virus and prescribed a mucus thinner as well as continuing with the Motrin. Thankfully, her fever finally ended on Saturday. I kept her home on Monday, just to be safe.

This had played havoc with my classes, of course. I took two days off, we hired a babysitter one day, the German stayed home through my class one day, and the final day we had another babysitter, who we needed to send home because she was unable to comfort Thing2 (the only person, ever. We complained to the agency about her.) So back zur schule went Thing2 on Tuesday and on Tuesday night Thing1 started to run a high fever. So, Wednesday I went in to class for a few minutes to pick up my work. Thursday she seemed a bit better so I brought her, with coloring books, to class with me. She was exhausted and wound up falling asleep on me when I carried her out, but it was the day of my appointment with the Alien Affairs office and I needed to be there with the German in person.

So Thing1 and I took a cab there and met the German, they quickly called us in and gave me my residence visa, and then he called us a cab and went back to pick up the forms and come home later. Germany is extremely organized in processing newcomers and it’s admirable.