24 August 2010

With a heavy heart.

Although the start of our vacation in the US was pretty terrible, we did have some decent times, that I hope to finish writing up soon, particularly with family in Upstate NY and friends downstate, as well as the week we came back and went to the German's family reunion and then Neuschwanstein.

But when I finally came back and sat down and started to look through my Google Reader, I noticed again that a blog I have been reading with great enjoyment had not updated in two weeks, and that Curtis hadn't been feeling well when he wrote his last post.

I had been reading his blog when he was on LiveSpaces because I had been reading his late wife Ellen's blog. I hadn't really started to blog in earnest when she passed away and I was sad because she was such a nice person. But I am even sadder now, to realize that Curtis passed away after his post and that I did not realize it until I got home and, worried, read the comments on that last post.

Curtis' next to last post, which includes
Have you ever noticed how quiet it seems to get after a nice blanket of snow covers everything? Well imagine you are out in the woods and there are no major highways nearby nor are there any houses close and here you are skuched (there's that word again) up under one of these spots. Can you hear the quiet? Most people say you can't hear quiet but that's because they have never really heard it. I have and it's so calming but to me back then it was just the way it was suppose to be. You are sitting quietly and occasionally you hear a plop as a big clump of snow falls from a nearby tree. You hear the beautiful singing of the cardinals in their bright red coats which are winter birds and the peeping like music of the smaller birds. Then all of a sudden you hear this whooshing sound as a great owl comes soaring by with it's masive wingspan cutting through the air and then it gets quiet again as it glides away. Listen closely and you might hear a crunching sound as a deer approaches and it's hoofs cut through the fresh snow. It can't see you hidden under the boughs of the tree but it catches your scent and alertly looks about with it's ears up and then makes this loud snorting sound as it prances away only to stop a short distance from you thinking the danger is past and starts once again rooting through the snow for morsels of food hidden beneath. You too have dug beneath the snow in places to find these red berries we always called Creek Berries and eat them the same as the deer. These are the times when you would more than likely find some critter hidden under these trees. I have found numerous birds, squirrels, rabbits and an occassional fox hiding there. Even with the protection you would start to feel the cold and then you would move on taking with you those videos in your mind of what you saw not thinking that they would be there some 50 years later just as vivid as that very day.
Yes just sitting here watching the rain on the monitor and thinking back. Back to that time I have treasured for all these years and sometimes I find myself wishing I'd had off spring to tell these stories to but I don't so all I can do is leave them out here for anyone interested. Funny how the mind has these things stored away just like a hard drive. It took man years to develope the electronics such as the hard drive to store information on probably not realizing he had one with him all along.
So for now I shut the memories down and get ready for bed so I can make my way to the office in the morning but it was a nice trip and I only hope you enjoyed it as well. I will still feel that cozy feeling as I nestle my head into the pillow and drift off to sleep pretending maybe that I'm under the boughs of one of those Hemlocks so long ago feeling safe and secure from the rest of the world.
Good Night.

is so lovely that I had wanted to wait until I had a chance to really think about it and to say something meanngful back. But now he's gone and I am so sad for him and for those who knew him and for we who knew him through his words.

It took me a long time to write this because I am sad every time I read that post. It seems that people I care about are dying. Dear friends I have known my whole life, loved family members, even more distant relatives who are part of the backdrop of my life and it makes me think that the time for life as a play rehearsal is over, that waiting and working and hoping that the work will produce a better future is sheer madness: what we have is now.

Now is the time to connect, to let people know that we love them, to enjoy life as is is, every day and not to work and work for a better future while not being happy in the present.

Dear Curtis, thanks so much for sharing yourself with us and for being the sweet person that you were.


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