Getting settled

The children are in school. That took quite a bit of work.

First, the German had to register our marriage in the Sauerland where he was registered. Then, when we returned to Berlin, he registered both of us and the children here. I did some research on line and found some kindergarten/kitas within walking distance, called them, and set up appointments. The first one we went to, one that was supposed to be based on a nurturing method, left me in tears. The head told us that they were not really interested in children that would be “transient”, eg staying for less than three years, and that also the documents that the children require would take weeks and weeks to get, so why would we even bother to put them in school when they would be leaving Berlin in the spring? I pointed out that Thing1 was very sad, had walked up to a little boy in the school and asked him to be friends, and that Thing1was regressing due to interactions being mainly with Thing2. The head didn’t exactly shrug, but didn’t seem to give a darn.

She did give the German the number of the state agency that would provide the required documents, but reiterated that it would take weeks to get the forms, perhaps even months. When we walked out the door, I really was in tears at the thought that the children would not be able to play with other children for the foreseeable future. The German told me that everything would be alright, that in a country where children have a legal right to schooling that it would be impossible for it to take so long to get required documentation. In the event, he called the agency the next morning and when he went there, the woman in charge was wonderful. She assured him that it would take only a day or two for the document for Thing1 to reach us, and that she would be able to issue one for Thing 2 if he could provide documentation that I was taking a course.

So the German registered Thing1 for the 5-7 hours of kindergarten that she is legally entitled to. However, Thing2 could not be registered until I provided documentation that I either had a job or was taking an integration course.

When wandering about our new neighborhood, we had discovered the Jewish Community Center (Judisches Gemeinde Haus). When we stopped in to ask about the community, we were told that they have a Volkshochschule, which is a type of community school all across Germany, where I could take a Deutschkurs for Anfangers (German for Newcomers). So I signed up for the semester, the German took the information to the state and we received the documentation for both the girls within three days.

(Germany has an amazingly good post system. It generally takes only one day for mail to reach us from just about anywhere in Germany. If we haven’t received something in three days, we know that there is a problem and know to call to see what is wrong.)

We got the names of some Jewish kindergartens from the JCC and called a few to see which would have openings and how far some might be. The real problem was Thing2, because the spots for her age are generally filled (there is a legal requirement of fewer young children per teacher at her age). We went to one lovely school in Grunewald, but not only would it be quite difficult for me to reach by public transportation, but also they would have had a problem with Thing2- she would not have been able to start until January, when they would be adding a teacher. The head was very nice and after showing us around, she sat the girls down to play with toys, took us back to her office, and started making calls for us. After two tries, she was able to make an appointment for us with the head of X school. So we called a cab and went there. We drove back and forth but this time, after stopping and asking for help and calling for clarification, we finally found it. This was funny, because we had attempted to reach X school almost on our arrival in west Berlin. But when we had called to get directions there we had not been able to find the school: it’s not easy to find.

In the meantime, I had gotten information from the JGH about Jewish kindergartens and kitas and had spoken to an International School (second choice, being both quite expensive and thwarting our aim of having the girls exposed to German as soon as possible). ) So when we got to the X school, finally, we were very impressed. The Rabbi knew our previous school, was warm and friendly (from the US;-) ), the classes seemed good and at least one of each teacher pair spoke some English, and the curriculum seemed great and familiar (although with both German and Hebrew). This is just what Thing1 has been needing.

The Things started school October 8th, the first day after Succoth, when my class also started. I spent the first two days with them at school, making certain that they would be ok, and on the third day the bus service that the school has started and I was able to go to class. We are all enjoying our classes now, although you would never know it from Thing1: she doesn’t tell me anything that goes on! Thing1 has been to the Zoo and the Opera House and to the library, but I only know that from the teacher: she is not yet good at communicating this information.

We have suffered through waves of illness. First, I was sick. A bronchial illness that hung on until I went to der Artz in the Sauerland (the weekend our container finally came in) and wound up getting antibiotics. Then, the week after Thing2 started school, she was quite sick. She had a temperature of 104+ and I had to find a doctor within our area and run her over. Dr R assured me that it was a virus and I should continue to concentrate on keeping her temperature down, which I needed to do by medicating her every six hours around the clock with Motrin. Her high fever continued from Sunday through Friday, when the doctor had told me to return if she were still running a fever. The doctor looked again, said it was still just a virus and prescribed a mucus thinner as well as continuing with the Motrin. Thankfully, her fever finally ended on Saturday. I kept her home on Monday, just to be safe.

This had played havoc with my classes, of course. I took two days off, we hired a babysitter one day, the German stayed home through my class one day, and the final day we had another babysitter, who we needed to send home because she was unable to comfort Thing2 (the only person, ever. We complained to the agency about her.) So back zur schule went Thing2 on Tuesday and on Tuesday night Thing1 started to run a high fever. So, Wednesday I went in to class for a few minutes to pick up my work. Thursday she seemed a bit better so I brought her, with coloring books, to class with me. She was exhausted and wound up falling asleep on me when I carried her out, but it was the day of my appointment with the Alien Affairs office and I needed to be there with the German in person.

So Thing1 and I took a cab there and met the German, they quickly called us in and gave me my residence visa, and then he called us a cab and went back to pick up the forms and come home later. Germany is extremely organized in processing newcomers and it’s admirable.

Staying sane as an expat without language skills

It's probably a pretty common plaint, but coming to Germany without a word of German (what was I thinking with 4 years of Latin and 4 of French?) it's almost frighteningly isolating to never hear an adult word that I can understand.

I am tremendously grateful that L and my parents have allowed me to set up a Slingbox at their house. That, added to a separate cable box with DVR, has allowed me to watch American TV and movies at my discretion. The only drawback is that the operating system is inferior to that of TiVo so it is more difficult to actually look up and plan for movies. So if anyone sees anything out there on HBO, Cinemax, SciFi, etc that they think I might like to watch, please drop me an e-mail and I can set the DVR to tape it. I’m very grateful to have family to allow me to use their connection because there is a professional organization that does this that actually maintains your own box and satellite dish and then charges an additional monthly fee for the privilege and I could never have justified the cost of doing that (until I went insane, I guess…).

A new apartment and swimming through the red tape

While trolling the internet I ran across an apartment and the German leaped on it on Monday.
We are at my in-laws now, and yesterday registered myself and the children and the German's married status with the state. Today we got photos for the children and applied for their German passports. We splurged on the type required for the US, which is more expensive than the ordinary child’s passport. We also took photos of myself and the German for drivers’ licenses, but won’t be able to do that until next week, as the DMV was open only a half day today.

The saga of the container has been thrilling and chilling in terms of the utter lack of coordination and total messed-up-ness of its journey, but we hope to see it here next Friday and with it not only our bicycles but also our warm clothes: We have been freezing ever since we got here as we left behind 90+F weather and came here to the 60F and below chilly, dank, frequently rainy city of Berlin. The two light jackets I brought with me were not enough and the ch ildrenare rotating between only a few pairs of warm clothes as their shorts and tees are not useful.

A nice interlude, street fair

Was leaving the REWE ( a supermarket) when we ran into Berlin Lacht, stage w/comedians , actors and musicians surrounded by drinks and eats booths. The supermarket is the in Kulturbraueri http://www.bilderbook.org/berlin/kulturbrauerei/pictures/.

Was very fun: I’m glad Thing1 asked that we stop. The German and Thing2went home a bit before us because T1wanted an alkoholfrei drink and we stayed to watch the magician set his hair on fire and chat with some Berliners. Was the first time I’ve spoken to another adult (other than the German) in 10 days and really appreciated it.

The first week

Well, we are here in Berlin, in an area formerly east of the wall called Prinzlauer-Berg. It’s a bit what I imagine Greenwich Village was like 70 years ago, when it was still affordable, although it probably won’t be affordable to its prior residents within the next 10 years. Very cute, but not family enough and we are hunting for short term apartments in the Charlottenberg area, which is west of the line, more settled, and with a Jewish Community Center and kindergarten that I hope to get Thing1 into. Right now we are staying in a pension, and this is the first time that I have lived without a washer/dryer at least in my building in 24 years. It’s definitely worse with children.

The trip over was better than it might have been because we upgraded to business class with miles. I went through a whole rigmarole to get Felix microchipped and get him an international health certificate and then we wound up walking through immigration with him: we realized later that the border control didn’t notice him because the German was carrying him in a soft sided container around his neck. Now we wonder whether Felix is in the country illegally… On the flight itself, Felix wound up getting out of his carrier (the silly thing was able to be pushed open unless you pinned the sides and I missed it, always having used a hard sided carrier before). The German woke me to tell me that one of the attendants had come and taken the carrier away and I rushed back to see why only to discover F being dandled and pampered by an attendant who said that she had found him in the aisle: luckily, they were all cat lovers. And everyone was very nice to us in business class: definitely worth the upgrade.

I’m online because (old East) Berlin has free (slow) wireless, because there is no landline in the flat and although I might have gone insane without internet, we won’t get broadband until we are in a real apartment.

So far my culture shock has been primarily that even Germany moves at a molasses pace compared to the US. I mean, I knew it because German HR was so darned slow, but nothing beats walking into a Citibank to open an account (we have one in the US to facilitate international transfers) only to discover that one needs to make an appointment and that the earliest one can get is two days away. Or that it will take 4 weeks to get a landline, if we decide to get one, or to install DSL. And I couldn’t be part of the bank account because I am not yet registered with a “permanent” address here in Germany, even though I have a certified copy of my marriage certificate and my passport and the German already had a registered address (with his parents). There’s more, but I need to digest…

Sheer Insanity

So, instead of moving to Duesseldorf, the German got a call in mid-July asking if he was interested in a long term project in Berlin. But if he were, he needed (this was a Thursday) to be ready to fly out Sunday.

We looked at each other, thought about it, and said,"Sounds great."
He came back August 15th, the container was delivered the 17th, we had a garage sale on the 18th and we will be hada relatively large farewell party on the 19th. On the 20th the container will be picked up.

Then we all had medical appointments and exams, went upstate to go to my 25th High School reunion (I could only manage the picnic because we still had so much packing to do- we were also dropping furniture with my brother and boxes in the storage unit we have up there).

We didn't finish up before the container left, so we packed and threw out and donated masses of stuff, all through the night into the day before we left, when the German ran a half pallet to the docks to follow us to Bremerhaven and we met with our tenants ( a great family from Stuttgart) to show them how things work and help them with the car transfer (we sold them our Sienna).

Monday back home, Tuesday the 28th turning the house over to the tenants and then grabbing a van to the airport (as we will be selling the tenants our Sienna). Gosh, do we have a lot of stuff! 6 suitcases, a stroller, two car seats, two carry-ons, a diaper bag, a purse, and a cat.

I haven’t even started looking at maps of Berlin and I had just started seriously thinking of what areas of Dusseldorf we should be looking at. Had contacted the Jewish kindergarten, spoken to people from the synagogue, met with an American woman (married to a German man) who will be moving into our neighborhood next week from Dusseldorf (by way of three months in an apartment in White Plains), spoken to the American Women’s group in D’dorf… and so on. So now I need to start from scratch and without Ernst taking off 4 weeks to help/look for an apartment.

The German found us a pension to stay in when we arrive, not easy finding a temporary place in Germany, and particularly not with our cat.

In the beginning...

My husband (referred to hereafter as the German) and I had concerns that when we had children that they would not be able to communicate with their extended family if raised as monolingual Americans (after all, I could not communicate with my extended family when my parents chose to raise my brothers and myself monolingually). We attempted to deal with the situation by having German au pairs while I (G) continued to work after having Thing1. We had some great helpers, particularly Chrissie. However, after we had Thing2 and a problem with an au pair who quit two weeks before the end of my maternity leave, we decided that there had to be a better way. Why not go to Germany on an internal transfer with his multi-national firm and we could all learn German? That way, when we returned to the States we could continue to speak German together and the reinforcement would let the Things retain the language.

Ten months later, after a considerable amount of stress, it finally happened.

I am posting retroactively and hope to go forward as well as fill in the spaces, but this is my first blog, so please, if you are reading this, forgive my learning pains and feel free to give any advice you think might be useful